Lea Higashi's Story

I met my husband when I was 18. He was getting his Master's degree and I was working for the Forest Service. Two years later, we got married. I helped him through his Masters by working in his lab and sitting in on his classes when he was busy. I later helped him through subsequent career moves.

Our marriage was fine in the early years. We were both young and we moved around a lot because he kept changing jobs. We decided to start our family after we'd been married about eight years. Each one of our three children were planned and conceived while we had medical coverage and good jobs. But things changed when we moved to California. He finally had to choose between his career and his family.

My children and I moved to Seattle and my husband supported us until we got divorced, but once the support order came through and the court told him how much he had to pay, he stopped supporting us.

I'm on AFDC right now. The court was able to track him down when he was in the state of Washington. They garnished his wages, and when he stopped working, they garnished his unemployment. He then left the state. I told the court where he is currently living, but they are not doing anything about it.

That really ticks me off because the court gets the whole amount of the support payment, regardless of how much they give me. If his support payment is $5,000 a month, they take the whole thing.

After the divorce, I couldn't afford the house I was renting so I got a job wrapping popsicles. I was pleased because it was above minimum wage and fairly good hours. But when I figured how much I'd have to pay out in daycare, transportation and clothing, I wouldn't be making enough to stay above the poverty level, and I wouldn't have any medical benefits. I had a serious back problem and needed surgery.

I decided to go to the welfare office to see about getting assistance. Because I was renting a house and my rent was more than my grant would be, I was ineligible for any assistance. I literally had to become homeless before I could receive AFDC. My payment wouldn't even enough to cover the rent on another apartment. Here I was, upper-middle class and homeless. I had no idea where to go, who to talk to, or how to get information. I was suffering from the mental trauma of divorce, suddenly being a single parent, and in chronic pain because of my back. I never expected to be raising children all by myself. That was probably the hardest thing for me to deal with. More than anything, I wanted to keep my family together. I did not want to move them through several temporary shelters, then go into surgery and potentially die.

My goal was to try to find a stable place for my children until I had my back surgery. Trying to get into Section 8 housing at the same time was ludicrous. I tried the shelters, but it was the end of September and every place was full. We ended up staying on people's floors, which wasn't good for someone with a bad back. The first family we lived with had three dogs and 10 cats. We finally had to leave because the kids were getting so many flea bites. We then stayed in someone's basement. I finally started receiving AFDC payments and I felt grateful for the money. I tried to find an apartment but no one would take three children in a one-bedroom apartment, which was all I could afford. I couldn't even fill out a credit report because my ex had screwed up my credit so badly.

I had heard of subsidized housing, so I went out to one of the public housing units. As we drove through to pick up an application, there were three separate police incidents. I didn't think it would be safe for my children. I sat there and asked myself if I had a right to have standards, being broke and all? I decided I did. It was a challenge for me, having this standard, and saying that we should save this for the poor. Then one of my kids said, "But mom, we are the poor!"

We finally found a studio apartment in someone's basement for all four of us. It was important to me to keep my kids stable, in the same school with the same circle of friends and church members, so that if something bad happened to me, the support group would be there. We lived in the studio for the 18 months it took for our Section 8 housing to be approved.

My employment history was mostly in physical jobs. After I hurt my back in a car accident, I helped my husband with his work; his graduate lab work and personal businesses. I helped him through each one of his career changes. When he got into real estate, I learned the business with him. I kind of kick myself now that I didn't take the test for my real estate license, but at the time we could only afford one test. Whenever I got the chance, I started school. But because we moved around so much, I was never able to finish

My experience with the welfare system has been very dehumanizing. Nobody has wanted to help me. I understand that they are overworked as well. It was really difficult to get the whole process started and it was hard to get the surgery approved. Going through all of this was hard enough, then to have to think about how I am going to get off welfare in two years has been impossible. You can't be expected to deal with the next step up until your basic needs are taken care of first. I need to get off of the system, but if anything happens to the Section 8 program until then, I'll end up out of the street again. I still don't have enough money.

Now that I've had my back surgery and we have a place to live, I'm trying to get some training. My ex sold his business and I have a chunk of money out there that is community property, but the court hasn't been able to collect anything. I'd like to get a four-year degree but I'll probably only be able to attend a two-year program while I'm on public assistance.

It would be real easy to provide daycare in my home and make some extra money. Yet my goal is to raise good, honest citizens. I'm trying really hard to raise children who understand the importance of obeying the laws they've signed their name to. It's so frustrating that with the system that we have, we're so broke, yet I can't legally do anything about it. We are personally responsible and motivated. I get a little irritated when people say everyone on welfare thinks they deserve something. It is a safety net when there's no other option.

This whole thing has been really hard on my kids. They want to take lessons and do all the things they used to do, but we can't afford it now. It gets very, very difficult having to explain that if their dad paid the child support, this would work out. It's hard for me that someone I really thought I knew and understood is doing this to his kids. Never in a million years would I have imagined that he would have done that.

When I had these children, I made a commitment that this was going to be my new occupation. I wanted to be a mom. I read up on it, I studied it because motherhood was important to me. I am doing a good job. I think the biggest thing is that their father should be providing his financial support. That was our original agreement when we were together; he would provide financial support and I would provide the emotional, at home support. It's really unfair to demand all of that from me right now, but I'm willing to do that because I can see that the situation has changed.

For more information about Lea, see:

• Walk-A-Mile Project
  
• Growing up poor in America: a McCall's magazine investigation
  
• Children in poverty:
  Are there any solutions for this heartbreaking problem?
• The Right to Thrive, Not Just Survive
  
• Mother Fights for Her Family Against Odds
  

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